Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
