it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
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I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
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Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
