the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
