You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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