Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
