I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
