u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
