god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
