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I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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