im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
