Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
