haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we're making bets on your personal life
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
