I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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