everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
