It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
