He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
