just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
