Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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