I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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