Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
