We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
