Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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