hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
