Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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