Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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