I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
