new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
