I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
