she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
