I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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