It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
