I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
