I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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