strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
