So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
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he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
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Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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