Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
