I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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