You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
