Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
