What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
