at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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