My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
