I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
