i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Randomize
