can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
