Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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