Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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