My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
