Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
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