just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
