i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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