I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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