come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
