So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
