Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
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... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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