I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
