but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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