Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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