I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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