I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
