I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Vodka?
Forever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
