one two three fourrrrnication!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
