Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
