apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
