The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
