So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
