New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
