So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
