i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
