There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
