I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
