Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
