I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
