Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
