The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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