If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
